(If you are receiving this email again, I apologize, I am transitioning to a new service to send these out and am catching the posts up to match the site and as such some formatting might not be perfect).

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Let's talk anxiety.

This week I want to talk about and open about my anxiety journey.It is something I have been struggling with all my life, and am only now as I am 29 learning how to handle it, especially after an absolute breakdown about 3 years ago.

Before we begin I just want to say if this topic is something that can be triggering to you, please by all means, I will see you next week, but if you want to hear my story and maybe learn something that can help you, read on.

February 12, 2020

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I posted this photo with the caption:

The photo itself was taken during a business trip to New York that just so happened to be exactly when the pandemic started.There were so many uncertainties surrounding myself and the world at that time.

Was my business going to make it through the pandemic?Was the world going to end?What will happen to those I love?If the world stops and my business doesn’t make it through this, how will I provide for my family?

These were just a small number of the thousands of thoughts running through my head, let alone this coming not but weeks after an absolute anxiety breakdown.To rewind slightly, this trip to New York was my second trip in as many weeks for work, covering both coasts with the first trip taking me to Seattle.A lot of time on both trips was spent reflecting.For years I have been struggling with anxiety, and it was getting to the point where it was affecting my every day life.I would stop going out to restaurants.

Driving anywhere made me sick to my stomach.I couldn’t even look at someone when in a conversation.I will never forget I went out to eat at Olive Garden with my wife shortly prior to these trips, and I literally had to stare at a grain of salt on the table otherwise I felt like I was going to either throw up or pass out. I didn’t even take a bite of my plain noodles while we were there.Rewind even further and I was struggling with things like bringing my wife over to the USA through the K1 visa and all of the expenses that incurred with no income, trying to keep the business afloat through COVID and dealing with the consequences of poor business decisions that plagued us until only a while ago (it was my first business, and I have no regrets on that, we did a lot of amazing things together and I have massive respect for everyone), my grandparents having health scares, and keeping my family together and strong as my father was going through chemotherapy for his cancer…It became a situation where my metaphorical cup was always being filled by myself and others and I had no way of emptying it out.

This is pretty accurate to how it felt.

And then I broke down.

Now in all honesty, I didn’t have a single moment that defined my breakdown, but rather a gathering of all the things that became anxiety affecting my everyday life.My wife noticed.My family noticed.My co-workers noticed.But I was completely oblivious to it.

You could say in everyones own way I was given a few mini interventions, the questions were beginning to become more than just “Are you okay?” with a quick, and not thought out yes as a reply.I had always wanted to try to beat this without any help. I know that medication for things like anxiety and depression can be a slippery slope and I wanted to try everything else before I went that route.

But I ended up there anyway.

After some really good and productive conversations in the summer of 2020 with my mom and my wife, I went to the doctor and I was prescribed Escitalopram and began my journey back to becoming me again.

The road to becoming me again.

Looking back at this now, it both feels like I just started taking medication yesterday and at the same time that it has been a part of my life forever.

For me, the medication allowed me to build a buffer between the anxiety and the way my body reacted to it.And let me be clear, there were many things happening in my life that caused anxiety, but for me, it was rarely a have thought - get anxiety relationship.

Rarely was the anxiety caused by a single thought but rather my body keeping the score of all the things happening around me.

Now I don’t know if that was just that there were so many anxious thoughts that I never could land on a single one at a given time or if I just built up such a wall that I didn’t care to explore that internally (although I did try and fail at that as I began to realize my anxiety).I completely lost the ability to separate excitement from anxiety because your body can very easily consider them as the same thing. After all to a degree anxiety is just the same feeling as a nervous excitement.

With the growing callus I was gaining from the medication against my anxiety, I was able to also start getting creative with some other tactics.I want to note here these kind of worked for me at some times better than others, and while I would love to say I practice all of these daily I absolutely do not, but I do feel it is important to have as many tools in the toolbox as you can.

Everything looks like a nail to a hammer, and that is how my body was being treated by my anxiety.

The first one I want to mention and this one makes even me laugh as I think it to type out is exercise. Now yes, that is obvious, but for me, when I workout so hard I can barely exist for a few days after, I know I did it right.There is absolutely science to prove that physical activity helps combat anxiety and depression, that is well documented, but truly when I have exhausted everything in the physical tank, there isn’t much energy for the body to feel anxious anyway, so that’s a win.

And that isn’t to even mention that because I ate so little during my anxiety because of what I thought it was going to do to my stomach, I gained a quick 20 pounds after starting the medication so exercise is even more important for me due to that.

Secondly is diet and supplementation.I am going to dive deeper into the whys I chose what I did in a future issue on supplements alone, but I cut most added sugars from my diet and that was a huge help. I am now to the point that my favorite juice, which has no added sugar but is still a fruit juice, is almost too sweet for me.With my medication in the mornings I began taking two things, Magnesium and Vitamin D. The world needs to be taking more Vitamin D, that’s all I want to say about that for now, but there are some studies that Magnesium does help with anxiety.I cannot confirm or deny that from my experience, but I can say it has helped keep me a little more flat than I otherwise would be, which while that sounds like a bad thing, for me was okay. I have always been a person who can bring the energy, even through my anxiety (maybe I even used it as a bit of a diversion TO the anxiety) so being a little more flat was never really a downside, and truthfully the effect of Magnesium is never really a complete game changer, just a little help in that regard.I also want to take a moment to also recognize the ability of meditation and yoga to also help with this, but admittedly these are probably the things I have done the least, although I do plan to change that soon.

And that isn’t to also say I am not dealing with a lot of the things that caused me anxiety in the first place. My father has been cancer free for a few years now, my wife and I are still very happily married, I started a second company doing the same sort of work and feel more fulfilled than ever professionally, but truthfully, everyone has some sort of anxiety.

It all comes down to how you manage it, and in some sort of way, this direct chain of events helped me get to a point where I now know how to. And I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

I want to end this off by saying I am sure there is a lot more I will think of that I forgot to mention after I post this, so I will update in future issues as the topics individually come up so stay tuned for more on that.Also I would not be able to have made it this far without the love and support of my family and friends. I remember the shame I felt when I told my family I had began medication. It felt like I had failed. But I told myself then I would only take it until I feel like I don’t need to anymore and as of the writing of this newsletter I can say I am officially off of my medication.And lastly I cannot thank my wife enough for her support through this journey. She knows how it feels to feel like I do, she goes through it herself, but the ability to just tell her something as simple as ‘hey I am not sure what is happening right now, but I am feeling a little anxious’ and her knowing exactly how much space to give and when to push me on it was simply invaluable.

And to you reading this, whether you are going through something similar or not, I thank you for allowing me this time to open up on such a sensitive issue. It is not easy, but I feel the most progress is made in just about anything in life is when you share it with the world.I encourage you to send me a note either through here or social media if this helped you in some way. Feel free to remain anonymous if you so choose, and while I am not a doctor or licensed in any way to give advice or help, I am always an open ear to bounce ideas or thoughts off of. I want to be there for others as so many were for me.

And with that I thank you for embarking on this journey of recovery with me virtually, and may this be a springboard for more conversation on this topic, especially on men talking about their feelings more, and a start to helping thousands across the globe.

Thank you.-Dids 💪🧠

Disclaimer:This newsletter is created with the intent that it is not to be taken as medical advice. For any desire to approach anything discussed within the confines of this newsletter, please consult your local healthcare professional. I am not a doctor or licensed professional of any kind and am not claiming to be with this newsletter. I am only creating this to bring you zero cost information into all things wellness that I am personally curious about. Only you are responsible for your own health. No client patient relationship is formed through the means of this newsletter.